jeff eaton

It's a well known fact that I am a slave to novelty candy. Put some refined sugar into a new shape, or mix it with chemicals and make it behave slightly differently than yesterday's refined sugar (gel, powder, fluff, plasma, etc) and I will be all over that.

So the other week, when I wandered by Wallgreens to pick up some stuff, spotting The Mallow Burger was a dream come true. I've had mini-gummi hot dogs, and I've had mini-gummi pizzas. But a genuine Marshmallow Hamburger, as big as an honest to goodness White Castle Slider? Bring it on, man. Bring. It. On.

So Catherine and I are out grocery shopping last night. Strolling thruogh the produce section at Jewel I see a product carefully tailored to peg my geek-o-meter. What is it?

A Grapple. Looks like an apple, tastes like a grape! The only way this could be improved, IMO, is by carbonating it. Science moves slowly but surely, though, and I'm not about to complain about the interim steps. I point excitedly and gesture to Catherine.

"Jeff, what possible purpose can there be for a grapple?"
"To defy nature! To spit in God's eye! Mad science needs no reason!"

I hold a package of grapples aloft and wind up for a maniacal cackle. She sighs and shakes her head and makes her way to the citrus section.

Sadly, the guys at MAKE magazine have unmasked this particular mechanical turk. Grapples are not, in fact, an unholy application of dark majick and bioengineering. They're just apples injected with grape juice. How pedestrian.