A little over a year ago, I posted a frustrated plea to social and religious conservatives: work with me, I'm trying to help you. For years I've insisted that snarky inversion -- "That guy's so adamant that homosexuality is wrong, he must be closeted!" -- is just wrong-headed and lazy. I'm a big believer in good-faith arguments and logical thinking when it comes to important issues, you know? A few years ago, social conservatives started making that really difficult.

It seems like we're watching gay sex scandals unfold with conservatives on a biweekly basis at this point; Gay hookers and meth? Check. Trying to pick up guys in a public bathroom? Check. Offering sex to black men because they're big and scary and black? Check. Getting your subordinates drunk and trying to give them blowjobs while they're passed out? Sweet Jesus, check. The list just keeps going, and last week another one hit the wires.

[Berkeley CA], after providing free berthing for a Sea Scouts boat for 60 years, said in 1998 that a Boy Scout policy barring gay scouts and atheists violated Berkeley’s rules against discrimination. The city said the Scouts would have to leave the berth or pay $500 a month rent.

Eugene A. Evans, 64, a retired high school teacher and for 35 years leader of the Berkeley Sea Scouts, sued for discrimination and for violating the Scouts’ First Amendment rights. The California Supreme Court ruled in favor of Berkeley.

[This week], Mr. Evans was arrested at his home in nearby Kensington on Tuesday after investigators identified four youths, ages 13 to 17, who said they had been sexually abused by him.

Congratulations, social conservatives. You've made a logical fallacy true. In the face of overwhelming evidence, I withdraw the position that I've held for years and admit the truth. The easiest way to spot a closeted gay S&M furry pedophile is to ask, "Did they vote against Gay rights, or do they regularly talk about homosexuality being a sin?" If the answer is yes, hide your pets: God only knows what they do when you're not looking.